Sunday 29, 2003

I think that by far my favorite page in my journal is the one headed by a one by two inch cutout of the word "Guilt" in varying shades of red and pink. That was hardly the theme of the entry, though - instead it touched upon my mild concern that I had absolutely no guilt. I ended the entry with a cutout of pink, pouty lips.

Sarae, 10:13 PM
while listening to
[Just this]
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Friday 27, 2003

42 nifty
When typing the lyrics to the song "50 Nifty United States" to irritate Wade (see previous), one will be very embarrassed to find that they forgot eight states. Namely, Iowa, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada and Oklahoma.

Sarae, 10:21 AM
while listening to
[Just this]
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* * *

Wading
When talking to Wade, it is a huge adventure. One never knows what will happen, what you will say or what you will learn. You will randomly proclaim everything from "Australia should have penguins" (they do!) to "I wonder who owns Greenland?" (No one, apparently it's not just a huge sheet of ice like previously thought and people actually LIVE there.) You will learn that there are no penguins in the north, while there are no polar bears in the south. (Wade doesn't know why.) You will also be mocked for your country's bland and repetitive naming of cities. (And the favor is returned upon realization that there is an Australian state called "South Australia.")

You also may wind up measuring the length of your feet in both inches and centimeters.

Sarae, 09:23 AM
while listening to
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* * *

Things which will drastically change come August 15th

• Roomates. Plural. Shock.
  
• Someone other than myself who both resides and speaks in the apartment.
  
• Roomates who will not leave for weeks at a time, leaving you capable of doing literally anything.
  
• Must remember to shut curtains always, as lower floors equal more visibility. This will be a toughie. I have not shut my curtains in over two weeks.
  
• Fridge will be full height, instead of the six-inches short model. Hooray!
  
• Kitchen will consist of enough space for more than one person to stand comfortably in. Huge hooray.
  
• Live-in liquor influence other than myself.
  
• Related: subjects to test my martini-making skills on.
  
• Etcetera.

Sarae, 01:25 AM
while listening to Eleni Mandell - To Dream of Sarah
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Wednesday 25, 2003

Goddamn
Once again I seem to have forgotten the dangers of falling asleep when I have mountains of things to do. I mean, hell - I even dreamed about my art project.

Sarae, 07:15 PM
while listening to
[Just this]
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* * *

The ship is pitching and heaving
Replace "ship" with "stomach," and you've got me right now.

Sarae, 11:29 AM
while listening to Ani Difranco - Swandive (in head)
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Tuesday 24, 2003

Oh I will get my satisfaction
Leave it to all-encompassing headphones and a borrowed CD to remind me how I adore Pulp. And to fully appreciate a song that was always considered only so-so.

Sarae, 09:36 PM
while listening to Pulp - I Spy
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* * *


I'm not complaining about the heat. I'm not complaining about the rain. (I could complain about the noisy scrapy trucks out bright and early, but I'm not going to.) I am, however, complaining about the heat and the rain occuring on the same day. Or rather, the rain occuring when it did - as I was leaving for class - causing me to shut my windows for fear of a big flood. And then stopping, and bringing on the heat.

Because it's no fun to come home to a closed-off sauna when you really would just like normal temp. Maybe after a martini (and some breeze) it'll cool down.

Sarae, 05:26 PM
while listening to
[Just this]
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Monday 23, 2003

It seems a cruel twist of Fate; That this summer, the first in recent memory where I crave the outdoors, with the heat of the sun warming every ounce of my flesh, making everything outside painfully bright and clear-blue; This summer, where I sleep with windows flung wide-open, face turned upwards to suck in the cool air of night, the mild breeze of the morning; That this summer, whenever I venture out and bask in the sun, I wind up indoors frantically itching limbs and necks and tops of feet, desperate for the minute relief that this brings.

Gone are the days where hours spent by the pool fade into a lovely (if awkwardly bordered) glowing tan, and here are the days where they explode into splotchy red scratch grooves in legs.

Sarae, 03:24 PM
while listening to
[Just this]
3 comments

* * *

Reasons why I adore my Grandmother
she drinks more than any other 70-some year old woman I've met,
stares agape when I confess to never having tasted brandy;
when accused of slipping vodka in my mother's drink,
she explains, very patiently, that this is not so:
there was very little vodka left, and drank it herself.
When I shake out my hair to show off my new blonde, she notices (unlike my mother)
and says, "holy shit your hair's long!" Likewise,
she swears more than anyone I know.
For the first six months of her third pregnancy, she was furious to be pregnant again,
and explains that this is why my uncle was always an "ornery little shit."
She also delights in telling this story.
She is a goldmine of interfamily gossip,
and was ashamed of her daughters for carrying on like sorority girls at the most recent family wedding.
(To which I did not attend.)
When I try to grocery shop in my parents' kitchen (and my mother protests)
she offers the uneaten half of her dinner. (I decline politely.)

Sarae, 10:55 AM
while listening to
[Just this]
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Sunday 22, 2003

Addendum:
Also highly unnerving is later reading a post which you have only a vague memory of typing. I recall staring at several different clocks (alarm, watch, and computer) to verify that it was, in fact, eight thirty in the morning and not some time several hours later, which would render me to be late late late.

This fits in well with my weekend, which has thus far contained the following statistics:
Two martinis, made excellently
Many hours of sun, followed by
Double the hours of itching due to some strange sun allergy
One so-so blue raspberry slushee
One long-awaited visit to the classy porn store, and
Two fabulous naps. Also accumulated:
Two separate, strange dreams
Zero acceptable drawings completed;
One bloody ear.

Sarae, 02:53 PM
while listening to
[Just this]
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* * *


It's a bit unnerving to wake up hours before you need to be awake, having just had an odd dream. One where you went shopping for vegetables in a warehouse and then found that your mother'd been kidnapped.

Sarae, 09:01 AM
while listening to
[Just this]
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Saturday 21, 2003

Oh my god, everything smells like tequila.

Sarae, 05:37 PM
while listening to
[Just this]
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Wednesday 18, 2003

Balance
When one is drinking from a long unused water bottle, which was kept closed for far too long with a half-inch of water inside, one should definitely not be surprised to find that adding fresh water causes it to smell like next-day tequila breath. One should definitely take this as a sign to purchase a new Nalgene water bottle.

When one finds that the Berenstain Bears have a t.v. show on, one should not become so enthused as to gush to coworkers. Especially coworkers with no knowledge of Sister Bear and her bows. One should also not view the website, lest it crash their machine and lose everything open.

When one is at work, it is best to deal with patrons kindly, especially the cranky, rude old ones who cannot grasp the slightest technology and yell at you as you try to help. It is definitely a bad idea to fantasize about smacking them with a piece of computer equipment, so as to attempt to teach them something by osmosis. Also, it is a good idea to not mock people with extremely snivelly and apologetic ways of speaking. It is, however, great fun to scare those who ask questions in a minute whisper by responding in a booming voice.

Sarae, 10:44 AM
while listening to
[Just this]
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* * *

Things I'd forgotten:

• The smell of Humanities in summer, and how much I love it.
  
• How absolutely wretched blonde hair dye smells. Damn that ammonia!
  
• What the sun is like when you're waking up at six-thirty in the morning.
  
• How great an inspiring class can be.
  
• How I hate going to bed early on a continuous basis.
  
• Being blonde. Oh my god!

Sarae, 01:24 AM
while listening to
[Just this]
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Monday 16, 2003

Robots in Disguise
I'm really disappointed right now because the movie (titled "More than Meets the Eye") that's on Lifetime later is not about Transformers.

It's about a woman who goes blind. Boring! I'm so glad that I've graduated to the Oxygen network, what with their less cringe-worthy movies and the soft-soft-core girly porn of Bliss. They even have gay sex! It's the best show ever. Last week they had promiscuous gay men, hetero sex, and voyerism - in the same half-hour! Let me tell you, Luke was mighty jealous.

Sarae, 07:18 PM
while listening to
[Just this]
No comments

* * *

Materialism
I am so in love with all products Dove. It started innocently enough years ago with their deodorant - really, I bought it because the container was the most aesthetically pleasing. But now, with the addition of their shampoo and the "daily hydrating cleansing cloths," it's a full blown obsession. How can you not love something that foams with the addition of water, and leaves your skin softer than a baby's ass? Woo. It's not possible, I tell you.

I am also currently pissed as fuck at my mp3 player. It recently decided that, instead of booting up and playing music, it will continually say "battery charging," whether or not it is attached to the charger. So I'll have to scrounge around to find the warranty info, and all that. Meanwhile, I'm stuck listening to traffic while walking to work. If I don't find the warranty, I'll have to email the company. And let me tell you, I will be in full-on bitch mode. Sorry, Archos, I know it's not your fault that your product decided to fuck with my head after eight months of good audio lovin'. Or maybe it is.

I am apprehensive about the errand I am about to run, and then tonight's festivities. Very apprehensive.

Sarae, 05:16 PM
while listening to The Roots f/ Cody Chesnutt - The Seed
[Just this]
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* * *

Bumblebee
Tomorrow I will either be frantically accumulating a sizeable number of web pages to display, or relaxing on my last free day for ages. After tomorrow, I will be busy full-time - from seven-thirty to six, five days a week. I've not been this booked in eons. It's a little daunting, but a lot exciting: now I will cherish my free time, instead of complaining of boredom.

Hell, I might actually get stuff done - I'm always most productive when I've little time to waste.

Sarae, 12:09 AM
while listening to Talk Sex Live
[Just this]
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Sunday 15, 2003

Imagine my surprise when, as I peruse through the pictures I took at today's classy baby shower for my cousin-in-law (where I gave two of the cutest baby outfits ever), I find a bunch of strange photos. Blurry, oddly composed photos of the short distance between the State Street bars and my apartment.

and

I have no recollection of taking these pictures, which is odd. I remember everything else, including the drunken IMs to several of you. (I apologize.)

As a bit of a footnote, let me tell you that attending an upscale shower is absolutely no fun when you're hungover and convinced that the smells coming from the oven will certainly cause you to puke all over several hundred dollars worth of child apparati.

Sarae, 02:58 AM
while listening to
[Just this]
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Friday 13, 2003

I find it kind of depressing that over one thousand Livejournal members (and twenty-four communities) list "writting" as an interest.

Sarae, 04:09 AM
while listening to
[Just this]
No comments

* * *

Australians are fun
The setting: an IM chat
The characters: Wade (the Australian), cocky about his country's supposed superiority to mine. Me (the American), obnoxious and weird as ever.

Scene: Wade has just said goodbye, as he is on his way to eat dinner.
Sarae: Goodbye Wade, enjoy your dinner of nutella and...uh, alligator!
Wade: (pause, then outrage) NUTELLA?!
Sarae: Yes, isn't that what you Australians eat? Nutella?
Wade: What? Nutella?
Sarae: Oh, wait. Vegimite, that's it. The gross stuff.
Wade: That's for sandwiches, not for dinner.
Sarae: I'm sorry. (pause) I like how you didn't freak out about the alligator.

End scene

Sarae, 03:29 AM
while listening to
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4 comments

* * *


I was going to inquire as to why it is that I am exhausted all day, but become very awake at night. Then I realized that I'm really tired now as well, I just don't want to go to bed.

I am going to ask the puzzling question as to why I've had a headache at one in the morning for the past three or four days, without fail. Why is that?

Sarae, 01:26 AM
while listening to Craig Kilborn
[Just this]
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Thursday 12, 2003

Move your lil mouse
Over to this site and watch the video offered. It's "Set You Free" by The Black Keys. Until Tuesday they were one of my least mainstream bands that I adore. (I saw them in Feb, where I took pictures. Sleater-Kinney likes the rocking two-person bands.)

I say until Tuesday because there I was, standing in the electronics department of Target (don't ask), and what do I realize? Aforementioned song (which I fucking love) is playing. On the overhead. They don't sell the record, but they're playing it. And follow it with a cheesy song from the 80s. Alas.

Sarae, 01:49 AM
while listening to bubbles on my head
[Just this]
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* * *

Ask me no secrets
About a half hour, I had one of the most brilliant ideas for a book. Ever.

I just need characters. Time for people watchin'.

Sarae, 12:00 AM
while listening to
[Just this]
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Wednesday 11, 2003

Not everyone is as unrelentingly ecstatic about baby shopping as I. Every time I spied the next, most adorable newborn item, I would let out a loud gasp of pure glee. After a few stores, my mother would follow my gasp with her own sigh. Infant clothes are beyond adorable. I need to borrow an infant for a day, to quell my babyfever. A little poop and a lot of screams should do the trick.

My stomach is ill tonight. I do not approve of this.

Tomorrow I get to go home and play soccer mom. I will get to shuttle my brother around whereever he wants, and my mother to the hospital. She's having surgery, and I am being watcher of the minor in the meantime.

Sarae, 09:21 PM
while listening to Law & Order
[Just this]
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Monday 9, 2003

Hey bitch
Whenever I write emails or notes to myself, they're incredibly rude. Like, I couldn't get away with sending such an email to anyone but myself. Sometimes I wish I could be really coy and playful when sending self-emails, but it's not to be. Bitchy and crass it is.

At least they're amusing to write.

Sarae, 10:50 AM
while listening to
[Just this]
5 comments

Wednesday 4, 2003

If I can just hold on tonight
Out of all my bad nights, and I assure you that I've had my share of wretched nights, this one beats them all. Every single one, hands down. It's like my life is some depressing movie, and tonight is the climax, where everything just comes together to make one awful thing occur after another.

I don't even know what I need to get through the rest of the night.

Sarae, 11:00 PM
while listening to Azure Ray - Displaced
[Just this]
No comments

* * *

What needs to be said is this:
TONIGHT SUCKS.

Sarae, 10:05 PM
while listening to
[Just this]
No comments

* * *

Circa 5:45pm, tonight:
No matter how funny you may think it is, asking your mother if she's going to try out for "American Seniors" is 100% more likely to get a slap on the face than a laugh.

Sarae, 10:04 PM
while listening to
[Just this]
No comments

Tuesday 3, 2003

It's just a simple line
Right now I've got this mood that I want to - and do, alebit falsely - call a frothy melancholy frenzy. And the mood isn't real, just brought on by a brilliantly resigned song. A song which makes me whisper-sing in my bedroom, fearful of being overheard.

Sarae, 10:54 PM
while listening to Azure Ray - Displaced
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* * *

She can barely remember, barely remember wanting it
I need a project, pronto. I need something to occupy my idle time, to lose myself in for hours, to keep the little things from irking me ceaselessly. Preferably something that does not involve much other human contact, because other people often let you down when you believe in them. Because, you see, my blog is redesigned, my chair is nearly all reupholstered and I have no other fabric, and there's only so much of my furniture that I can paint.

Sarae, 11:15 AM
while listening to click click click
[Just this]
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Monday 2, 2003

She's betrayed now by her body, but never by her heart

Things change so quickly.

My brother has grown in the last week. He's suddenly less than an inch shorter than me. He's suddenly old enough to make pedophile-related jokes with. He's suddenly got an interest in (a little of) my music.

And suddenly, I find myself beyond content emptying a dishwasher and my father's lunch box; setting the table and preparing dinner. It was one of those afternoons where I want nothing more than to be a housewife puttering about at home.

Who still gets to go out and drink far too much tequila and vodka, of course. I ain't feeling that settled.

Sarae, 09:13 PM
while listening to Sarah Dougher - She Stood Up
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* * *

It's just no use at all
Just playin' with the templates. Maybe now it'll show up.

Sarae, 12:37 PM
while listening to Sarah Dougher - What's Good is Better than Gone"
[Just this]
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* * *

Heart attack (I wait for)
Jesus.

When it's your father's birthday and you're sending him a last-minute e-card, be sure to preview the entire animation. Otherwise you'll freak the fuck out when a bikini'd blonde bimbo pops out of the cake at the end. Christ. That is not the card one wants to send to her father.

Sarae, 08:55 AM
while listening to silence
[Just this]
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Sunday 1, 2003

Last nite she said
It's really fun being those obnoxious drunk girls at the bar. It's also really fun to take tequila body shots off Renata. Yum.

Sarae, 11:58 PM
while listening to The Strokes - Last Nite
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